A Short Story on Depression

Depression by definition is a mood disorder that causes persistent feelings of sadness, loss of interest in things you usually enjoy and low self-esteem.

It can affect how you think, feel and behave. Its symptoms can cause fatigue, insomnia, lack of appetite, body aches and hopelessness. Long periods of depression can also lead to illness. It can affect your relationships, work, hobbies and friendships.

Imagine for a moment there is a spillage on the floor. You know the right thing to do is go and clean up that spillage, as it will save any unnecessary injuries. Instead you grab the mop, go to the other side of the room and start cleaning there, where there is no spillage. You know there is a problem, but you are cleaning up the mess in the wrong place. 

That spillage is your sadness, internal pain and unresolved trauma. 

I spent 28 years in an internal mess, constantly trying to clean up in all the wrong places. They ranged from self medicating with partying, escaping to different countries and reading an untold amount of self help books. I even went sober for 2 years to try and clean up again and while the period of abstinence was immensely helpful for my journey, I was still in pain.

I learned that until I shone a light in the dark places of me, where the spillage had occurred, I would continue life with a deep, dark cloud above me. I realised that my depression, sadness and lack of focus was because I was spending all my waking hours trying to survive, instead of looking for ways to heal. 

Have you ever studied so hard for an exam or been at a seminar or in a meeting all day only to come home and crash? Your brain has worked hard and it makes your body tired. Our brain makes up 2% of our body weight but uses 20% of the energy we take in. When our neurons fire up, they use more oxygen and glucose which subsequently results in less glucose in the blood, and then, a very tired body. 

Now imagine, your brain working overtime all day, every day, going over past events and trauma, running the arguments or disagreements on repeat, stressing about your appearance or how you are perceived by others or worrying about money or debt or work or school etc..

If you can crash after a long meeting in the office, imagine how your body will react if you are in full mental capacity 18 hours a day. REALLY F***ING TIRED! You won’t want to get out of bed, or make dinner, or go to work or meet friends. You will want to rest because you are exhausted. 

How do we then move from depression like symptoms, into clear minds and happier lifestyles? We have to do the work. We have to shine a light on the darker parts of us and go into it fearlessly.